m’s Punishment
I recently had to effect a punishment on my dear girl, and I was moved to share a message to her after she had accepted and performed it. Part of her punishment aroused for her some very difficult feelings, but she seemed to come through unscathed (after some delicate discussion). As part of her punishment she was made to read blogs written by submissives and report to me about them. She came across an article about punishment that I thought I would share here.
m,
I was reading through your emails, etc., checking the blogs and so forth.
I am primarily most interested in your link to the domsub.info site, and I was intrigued by the fact that you have some sense that you might be offering something that will ultimately cause you to have to grow, because you are well aware that it will cause you pain or discomfort. In reference to a portion of this article entitled “Principles of Punishment,” I would posit that I do sense sometimes you are responding to appease me rather than remaining open to communication. This, I notice, occurs when you appear to disagree with my own interpretation of your behavior or attitude. What will be required, I might think, would be for me to acknowledge when I see this happening, and to see if we can’t work through the difficulty with communication rather than my “forcing” you to back down (which you do without my forcing you) in an effort to make peace and gain my approval.
I was interested in this article, and I had some thoughts about the length of your punishment as being proportionate to the infraction. I wonder if you felt it lasted long enough, or if you felt it was too long. I know you felt it pervading, and perhaps impractical for the reality of your day-to-day life. But I wonder if (as the article suggests) the duration was properly timed. The article reads, “Ideally, punishments should be designed so the sense of loss associated with them ends at the same time the punishment does.” Can you speak to this statement in relation to your experience of it?
My ideas about punishment (I hope I have shared these to some extent with you) are based on what I have read and what I have experienced. There is a disjunction between what I read about it in terms of philosophy and how it plays out. On one hand, I do not like punishment. I do not like to be put in a position to have to dole it out. It is the last thing I want to do. On the other hand, it does work. And as it does work, so do I get a thrill from having to create and oversee a “punishment.” The thrill comes from your acceptance of the punishment, and the pleasure I get from seeing you make great efforts to atone, to improve, to learn and to better yourself. As I said during the period, I felt I had grown closer to you as a result of seeing you respond to your “punishment.” I must also say I really want to avoid the act of punishing for the derivation of these erotically charged feelings, which I find to be both distasteful yet oddly pleasant (punishment, not the thrill I describe). I also see that in a D/s relationship, the framework itself is rather based in elements that seem punitive, strict or severe. To the outsider, this must appear very obvious.
The other thing I would mention is the idea that punishments should be disincentives and they should be unpleasant. I agree with this. The fact that you showed me clearly the difficulty you have in being forbidden to wear underwear has, of course, revealed something I now know to be unpleasant for you—so unpleasant that it is a very good disincentive for you. However, I am troubled by that, as I feel that you should actually experience the act of wearing panties as punishment. To please me, and to actually benefit from the experience proffered by your exposure, you should always be without panties. This poses an interesting problem. I will say that I accept your difficulty with this, and I am not stating that you should go around feeling as though you are somehow failing me unless you can overcome this aversion. But I do wish to work with you to uncover the emotional and psychosexual causes for your aversion to the experience of being without that layer of protection. What I am trying to say is that despite the fact that I know how not wearing panties is unpleasant for you, it does not necessarily make for a good way of punishing you, because I want very much for you to be without panties as way to please me and to enhance your own experience of pleasure in doing so. To enact what pleases me as punishment is not an effective method to get where we want to go.
A
